


Living because of death.

by Dingobaby



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s14e18 Absence, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Happy, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Pain, The Empty (Supernatural), This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-07 15:05:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18413093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dingobaby/pseuds/Dingobaby
Summary: Angel's weren't meant to feel heartbreak. They weren't meant to feel love in the first place. Not Empathy, hate, joy, loss, or anything for that matter. They were meant to obey.Of course- Castiel was never really obedient.





	Living because of death.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a bad place right now and I know I shouldn't take promos to heart because they have a tendency to be misleading but hearing Dean say those words to Cas ( seriously there is no reason for him to be so hateful) I felt the need to vent. In the form of angsty writing. This is literally nothing but me being sick of the Winchesters treating Castiel like their personal punching bag after something goes wrong, that any of them could be at fault for.

"You're dead to me."

Angel's weren't meant to feel heartbreak. They weren't meant to feel love in the first place. Not Empathy, hate, joy, loss, or anything for that matter. They were meant to obey.

Of course- Castiel was never really obedient. He told himself that he was. That he always followed Heaven's orders, that he always had his father's intentions to serve humanity at heart. He had become very adapt at lying to himself. He was never obidient. He wasn't ever a good angel. He didn't follow orders. He followed his heart.

So, it shouldn't have been a surprise to him that the words that just barreled out of Dean Winchester's mouth had cut through him like an Angel blade and we're currently searing through his heart, effectively burning any and all hope that he would ever know happiness, to ash. It did. He wasn't sure when he had allowed the hunter to completely rewire his entire being, but, the moment those words left his mouth, Castiel knew that it was Dean Winchester's fault he was even able to feel this broken in the first place.

He could see Sam moving in his peripheral vision, hear that the younger Winchester was speaking in some tone akin to disapointment or admonishment, but he hardly cared. All his focus was on the pair of viridescent orbs that were currently staring him down, full of confusion, betrayal and contempt. He once believed that those eyes would be the absolute death of him, but now, in a bitter twist of irony, as the last bit of joy began to smolder and fade in the embers that were once his heart, he knew the opposite to be true. Dean had just signed the lease on Castiel's ever miserable, immortality.

He bowed his head as he felt a mirthless smile spread across his features. He wondered if Dean would even care if he told the hunter he had just brought them to a full circle. Their story had begun when Castiel saved him from an eternity in hell and now it was ending with Dean placing Cas in one. With four little words, the angel was now doomed to live forever, knowing he didn't matter to anyone, at least not to the one being in the whole of creation that meant more to him than anything. By declaring him dead, he had just given Castiel eternal life.

Because there was no happiness without Dean.

The Entity had told him that it wanted him to suffer, that it wanted him to finally let the sun shine on his face and them take it away. Little did it know that all it had to do was take away Dean. There was no suffering greater than that in Castiel's mind.

He glanced once more at those perfect green eyes that he had fallen for, all those years ago, that were filled with nothing but distain. How could he have been so clueless? How could he had ever hoped that this human would care for him? All he had ever done was let him down, time and time again. He let Dean's voice flow through the void, completely unaware of the words he was saying - most likely further affirmation of the fact that Castiel had never been more to him than a constant burden- but not wanting to tune out the sound. It was likely to be the last time he would hear the voice of the man he loved so dearly. He wanted to savor every second of it before it was gone for good. But soon the room was silent and he knew what he had to do next, what was necessary.

"Goodbye, Dean."

He walked outside and said a silent prayer to his father that somewhere down the line, somehow, the hunter would find the peace that he deserved. Not that God was listening. 

As painful as it was, he knew what had just done with for the best. He had to leave behind the only thing he had ever loved, because Dean deserved to be free.

**Author's Note:**

> Again I am truly sorry for for this.


End file.
